PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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