I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
