I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
