I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
