allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
