youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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