i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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