She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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