I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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