watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't turn off my feet"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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