Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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