I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
