i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
