I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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