She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had to cum in my sink.
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