Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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