your room smells of hookers.
And success
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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