I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
