I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm at about main and main street
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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