the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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