So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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