yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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