I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
