It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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