Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
