Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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