Soap is not a condiment
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
