Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
