Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize