um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
