Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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