I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
