He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
