Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
