Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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