Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
