Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
