Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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