I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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