I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize