3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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