I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
