Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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