dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
