yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
