I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
