Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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