Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
