If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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