I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
