i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Farmville is her only friend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
