This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
