I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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