6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
