wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
