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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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