Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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