mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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