Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
