There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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