i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize