the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize