it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
