I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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