grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
