i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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