shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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