thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
